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At a  safari park..

posted 12 Dec 2014, 09:04 by Peter Webb   [ updated 21 Jan 2015, 01:31 ]

There is a giant safari park in this country. It contains prehistoric animals (political governors) attended by primitive tribes (Party people), still hard-wired for killing strangers from the other side of the forest, led by Chief Ponzi and Chief Madoff. There are guides and invisible in the background are groundsmen and servants (civil servants). Visitors and sightseers are welcome on pain of taxation.


Every so often visitors can assemble in the clearing to watch and pretend to take part in a Ritual (election). Formalised games are played and a tribesman is chosen as winner according to the colour of the adornment they wear. Some wear red feathers round their waist, some blue feathers in their headdress. Why? Its origin is lost but it is fun.


A visitor asks “how do they know when to assemble for the Ritual?“  A great cry goes up from the governors in their long house which tribespeople just know is The Call. They wait for the sun to rise seven times and on the 8th day they come together.” Came the day when dawn was inconvenient so they all stood about until the sun’s shadow was at its shortest.


It was thanks to a visitor (the man from the Taxpayers Alliance) that they were introduced to the idea of the clock. So now they have all been presented with a little bag full of tiny metal shapes and pieces of glinting gem-like things (spending details on line). This they were assured would tell the time and keep them amused and be a great step forward for mankind. But it didn’t, it didn’t, and it wasn’t.


The governors hit on the idea of rule by TLA (three letter acronym) and changed the Counting House to the OBI (Office of Budget Irresponsibility)(Treasury).


The Governors were troubled when their people grew up, became restless and began to ask questions. “What do you do that we should dance for you and bow down in the ritual? “ “What happened to those promises made earlier?” “Why is your music not rhythmic and harmonious (method and systems)?” “What do you do with the tax money?” “How is it that the water (money) hole is empty?” “We’ve done the rain dance (the economy) for you and we’re knackered.” “Why should we vote for you again?”


On the verge of extinction the governors heard at the back of the group of tourists the words “what you must do is to prepare for the Ritual with a nourishing feast (Annual Report) that will satisfy all those hungry questions!” But they weren’t listening because busy trying to work out why the clock pieces wouldn’t tell the time: they debated what the time might be without executive conclusion; the economists looked for statistical correlations between the metal shapes and gem-like things inside the clock-case; and the Party people believed they knew best what the time was. The accountants assembled the clock, waited to be asked what the time was and why it wasn’t something else, and announce what it would be 10 minutes hence and whether that would be a good time to dance. A tiny group in the Counting House were not allowed to simplify tax because someone believed complexity to be job-creating and necessary for “fairness” of punishment. 

Peter Webb,
15 Dec 2014, 03:22